Nostalgia; Ideological Schizophrenia

As I was writing this entry, I’m indulging myself in some (relatively) old-timey  music, us to set the mood. Well, technically, I’m currently listening to a recently released 8-bit remix of a song from an  8-bit video game.

Progressive rock, Family Computer Style:

The funny thing is, I never even played the game where that song came from (i.e. I’m having nostalgia over something I never really knew). The sad thing, though, is this little obsession I’m having is making me feel even older. When I feel older, I feel crankier. In other worlds, I feel like someone who has seen everything that has happened to this country in the last 20 freaking years, seeing what has changed for the better, and (more importantly) what has changed for the worst. i speak this as someone who has practically seen a franchise fall after a relatively short rise, then regain most of its status to its fans after a decade’s worth of wasted time. I am still surprised that the rejuvenation of the said franchise involved going back, way back in its roots. (see this Wikipedia article for details) In fact, the next time I got this back-to-the-future feeling a few months ago when a certain icon 20 years past has, well, passed away. At the day of her death, I remember singing the songs that were sung at her funeral, and listening to some retro music as the funeral broadcast dragged on. It’s interesting, though, that in the months before her death, there seemed to be a general apathy of sorts, like a feeling that life goes on, since nothing is happening to me. The moment she died, to use Manolo Quezon’s terms, Philippine society at large experienced the “Great Remembering” and the “Great Awakening”, wherein many Filipinos seemed to look back to about twenty-three years ago, and decided to use what they saw to give meaning to what has been happening in the first decade of the third millenium. In some ways, I felt the same thing with the video game I mentioned above, including the frantic research over its roots, and how fared in the passing years. The bad news seems to be that what the two represent (the early-90s video-game renaissance, and the early-90s democratic renaissance) seemed to merely be a passing season to people who have experienced one or both of them. In my case, I only became interested in the woman and the video game ever since I thought to myself, “What do I want?” Apparently, it seems that I (and society at large, by analogy) wanted to experience the mythical “good, old times,” when, at one point of view, an industry rose again after a disaster partially caused by said industry’s unmoderated stupidity, while from another point of view, a people rose up against a dictatorship partially maintained by said people’s utter spinelessness. Note that I only researched the previous events because of a slight obsession with the past; in particular, I wanted to know either how high we have risen, or how low we have fallen. Based on how people reacted to the death of our first post-Edsa president (including yours truly), it seems that people see the present as a significant step backwards compared to the past. It seems to me that people want to pine for the good old day, when people aspired to be as good as they can be. Of course, this means that people are usually whitewashing the past, so that they could compare it to what they believe is the big, bad present. Whether it is a video games series that is part of my childhood, or a whole democratic system borne out of the hopes of my countrymen, we cling to the hope that, whatever madness may befall upon our “obsessions,” may it rise back to what it was, before it becomes lost forever.

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On a somewhat different note, I also noticed that my understanding of reality wavers more or less between idealism and cynicism. That is, at certain topics (such as politics and religion), I believe that people involved in those fields have the capability to do the best that they can so that they and their comrades can be of service to humanity AND are stupid and/or malicious enough to utterly make a mockery of their discipline, in the same way that any organization gets screwed the moment any one of them makes a fool of his/herself while bearing their name. Similarly, I belive that Filipinos in general believe that they can accomplish whatever they dream for themselves and their country, but also believe that they do not possess the willpower to effect such changes. That seems to explain to me why many Filipinos aspire for a national Messiah, but at the same time believe that the said Messiah is merely rooted in fantasy. While I would actually support the cynicism behind such a sentiment (at least at the time of writing,) I find it very disheartening, emo-ish even, that people actually bother with being a little optimistic before going to full-blown doubt over the prospects of raising this somewhat-great nation up from the miry clay. At least I might have an excuse: I treat myself as a piece of bleeping garbage at least once a week. But Philippine society at large is greater than that. I actually believe (at my current state of mind at least) that, given enough discernment (the trust-but-verify kind) of what is happening to our lives, and given enough willpower to try to change things for the better, one middling act at a time. Of course, it may not result to anything until a generation passes (and even then…) but we as free thinking beings should at least strive for the ideal. Unfortunately for me, I’m no so sure that I would be with the ones who decide to try to clean up our collective mess. I mean, I waver between being optimistic and pessimistic in a span of about three sentences!

To end the madness that is this post, I present to you an 8-bit remix of a 16-bit game that only got an English translation half a decade or so after its release:

Word count: 1037

Dasal na Inaalay sa Kataas-taasan, Kaliit-liitang Diktatdor Supremo ng Awtokrasya ng Kurakot ng Pilipinas

Inang Gloria, salamat po na hindi ninyo pa po kami pinapapatay
sa araw na ito. Patawarin niyo po kami, o Sugo ng Diyos, kung kami ay nagugutom po, sapagkat may pagkain naman po ang buong sambayan, ayon sa sinabi ninyo po. Patawarin niyo po kami kung ang pag-iisip namin ay katulad ng mga kalaban ng estado. Salamat po na iniligtas niyo po kami sa iyong galit, hindi katulad ng ginawa ninyo po sa sinumang kumakalaban po sa inyo. Tulungan niyo po kami, Ina, na mahalin po namin kayo sa lahat ng kabutihang ginawa po niyo, simula nang sinabi niyo po na kayo ay inilagay sa puwesto ng Panginoon (Garci), nang binigyang-parangal ninyo si Arkanghel Jovito Palparan sa mga kabutihan kamatayan na nagyarisa saan mang pinamumunuan niya, nag nag-ala-Batas-Militar po kayo kung kailan ipinapagdiwiran namin ang pag-alis ng Amang Ferdinand dahil sa kabutihan niya, at nang pinili ninyo pong bilang Kataas-taasang Tuta sina Mike, Raul, Norberto, Eduardo, Merceditas, Ronaldo, Ignacio at iba pa. At sana po, mas marami pa pong mga kritiko ang mamatay, upang ialay namin ang bangkay at dugo sa iyo. Lahat na ito ay hinihingi namin sa pangalan ni Marcos aming berdugo,

Alien.

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